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 Random Jokes!

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kingyroo
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PostSubject: Random Jokes!   Mon Mar 23, 2009 1:44 am

For all you funny people out there, heres where you can post your jokes! ill start out!

Chuck Norris once round house kicked the world, he went back in time and killed the the dinosaurs!
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ninjasomg
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:22 am

chuck norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head lol!

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Last edited by ninjasomg on Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:23 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : cus im a fucking ninja and i can do as i please)
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wightnight19
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Mon Mar 23, 2009 5:40 pm

Kingy woke up and looked in the mirror!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

YO mammas teeth so yellow it made betty crocker say i cant beleive its not butter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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kingyroo
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Mon Mar 23, 2009 5:49 pm

y must every1 tease me >.< Crying or Very sad
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ninjasomg
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:20 pm

cuz u ask 4 it kingly nib

y eltz?

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gettysburg6
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Tue Mar 24, 2009 7:07 pm

my bro came up to me and asked:
would you like some fryd nooblets with your side or burnt teriaky noob?? and i was like ?.? Question

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Big Blue Fox
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Tue Mar 24, 2009 7:30 pm

yo momma's so old she knows who wrote the Bible! lol!

King still cant annoy me geek
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Killa Lette
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Tue Mar 24, 2009 8:20 pm

Big Blue Fox wrote:
yo momma's so old she knows who wrote the Bible! lol!

King still cant annoy me geek

Yours' older since SHE wrote the Bible!

I'm so h00d.
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escapethis7
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PostSubject: jokes   Wed Mar 25, 2009 2:48 pm

yo momma so old she dated jesus twice!

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wightnight19
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Wed Mar 25, 2009 7:07 pm

Yo momma so old last time she hurd those jokes she luaghed so hard she fell of her dinosuar !!!!!!!!!!!!!11
OWHTNNTH OWWWWWWWWWNT















PWNT
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Lazerdude77
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Thu Mar 26, 2009 3:50 pm

Failed! geek

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Lazerdude77
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Sat Mar 28, 2009 1:30 pm

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!! my signature is working!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hell yeah!!!!!

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Odha
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Sun Mar 29, 2009 2:16 am

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

And my personal favorite:

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
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kingyroo
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Sun Mar 29, 2009 10:46 am

i think odha is a chuck norris fan =P
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harypotr2
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Sun Mar 29, 2009 4:33 pm

Odha wrote:
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

And my personal favorite:

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

you forgot:

Chuck Norris always refers to himself in the fourth person.

Chuck Norris doesn't leave messages, he leaves warnings.

Before the Sandman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't mow the lawn, he just dares it to grow.
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gettysburg6
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Tue Mar 31, 2009 8:33 pm

why do tie fighters scream in space?? they want they're mother ship Razz

how many stormtroopers does it take to change a glowpanel?? 2 one to do all the work and the other to blast him and take all the credit

why does a droid mechanic never get lonely?? hes always making new friends


all these jokes are from a star wars book

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ninjasomg
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Wed Apr 01, 2009 6:22 am

Don’t ever call Mr. T, just “T”, somebody did that once, just once…

Mr. T never learned to read. Letters learned to accomodate Mr. T’s mind.

Mr. T plays ping pong with a medicine ball.

Mr T. once pitied so many fools at once that just thinking about the amount of fools he pitied causes you to be automatically pitied.

Mr. T doesn’t lift weights because it infers that he has limits to his strength.

In 1982 while working as a bouncer Mr. T invented a move so perilous that it is still spoken of with great admiration… that move is forever known as T Bagging.

Mr. T has the ability to kick all forms of ass known to man, 11 forms of ass unknown to man and 3 forms of unknown ass unknown to Yoda. He uses this ability on an hourly basis.

If you could calculate the amount of pity generated by Mr. T every second, you could make infinity feel ashamed of being ridiculously small.

There was a time when Mr. T didn’t pity fools. That time was called never.

“Knock, Knock.” “Who’s there?” “Mr. T” “Shit!”

Mr. T can tear glass. Phonebooks are for fools.

Mr. T puts the ‘T’ in pity. Without the ‘T’ it would just be piy - and that’s just plain silly.

lol! lol! lol!

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ninjasomg
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Wed Apr 01, 2009 7:21 am

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. (im fucking scrued!)

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down.

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.

A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.

There is in fact an “I” in Norris, but there is no “team”… not even close.

Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.

Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.

The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.

Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.

Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris. (its offical im gona die pale death buy chuck norris-.-)

Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.

There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and Chuck Norris finds it delicious. (they so stol this from me)

On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.

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Killa Lette
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Wed Apr 01, 2009 1:11 pm

Lolll nice Ninja!

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gettysburg6
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Wed Apr 01, 2009 7:55 pm

>.< my head exploded from chuck norris

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ninjasomg
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Thu Apr 02, 2009 7:04 am

had 2 compleatly out do odha and every 1 elts with the mr t chuck norris 2 peice Razz

suprised the forum can handle that lvl of awsome afro

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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Sat Apr 04, 2009 3:49 pm

This is the most random yet funniest video I've ever seen, a MUST WATCH!


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Killa Lette
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Sun Apr 05, 2009 4:47 pm

Panda wrote:
This is the most random yet funniest video I've ever seen, a MUST WATCH!


ROFL!!

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ninjasomg
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Mon Apr 06, 2009 8:01 am

Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked Shocked
holy fucking shit Shocked Shocked
>.>
<.<
lol fuck them noodles!!! Twisted Evil

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ninjasomg
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PostSubject: Re: Random Jokes!   Mon Apr 06, 2009 8:06 am

i had 1 watch it again that was some funny shit lol! lol! lol! lol!

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